8x10 tasveer reviewed

8x10 tasveer is not the apt title for this vapid "thriller" which lulls the viewer to sleep and compound abhorrence with each scene as it unravels. if i were to be given the job of naming this movie ill go with 12x12. because as they say "is film ke barah baj gaye hain"

i wont go with my format for reviewing movies for this one since it doesnt even fall under a muvee which should be reviewed or rather viewed.i wont be describing positives and negatives but for this sorry movie only the latter holds valid so the former is ruled out. o no no no i m sorry it has a positive. it has a runtime of 2 hours. it gets over after sometime. phew!!!

akshay kumar has this bizarre quality(can it be called a quality?)of navigating into photographs but this virtue of his has a limitation(see the reality) he can only do dis for a minute. everytime he does so he pummels into unconsciousness.he helps people by this good gift of his but one day when he comes to know that his father whom he had bitter relations had died, he decides to look into the murder (out of a tiny place he had for him in his heart) which is being touted as a heart attack. i wont say that what he does to unravel the mystery forms the next part of the story but ill say that is left for the viewer to decipher(pity the viewer so much contemplation he has been coaxed to do). teachers must love this movie because it encourages one to scratch the brain not once but several times suring its course.

the movie has akshay doing what he does best---- action.the location ie canada which isnt even shown properly. just the usual home scene and occasional sea is projected as if screaming to the viewer go see for yourself why do we take the headache. ayesha takia needed a solid performance before her marriage to farahan azmi but fails in her endeavour and that too miserably. she vowed to never shed clothes and compensate that with her acting. with a very sterotyped attire in just about every movie she does, she becomes all the more hard to see making herself an eyesore despite augmenting her assets and going under the knife for umpteen number of reasons. (sorry for veering too much on all this and not the movie but after seeing this movie one is exhorted to imitate it ie go beyond the topic or beat about the bush). back to the review. sharmila tagore was better suited judging reality shows and holding the censor board chairmanship than act in such movies just to appease close friends. a movie so moroose coming from the director of iqbal,dor, et al. he might have though that his muse ms ayesha takia wud save this film but to his chagrin things take place otherwise. anant mahadevan is wasted as chacha ji. the little bit of "comedy" (note the inverted commas please) tried by javed jaffery goes down the drain. his role was also better as boogie woogie judge. he should refrain from muvees altogether than doing such stuff. one wondeers where this movie is heading to after seeing one hour or so.(sorry did i say see. plz read it as tolerate). i dont know how some faction of the common masses liked this film. either they are die hard akki fans who does live upto his action image or are pure blind to whatever he does. whether cc2c or tasveer they will bear it all in the name of akki fanaticism. it comes as no surprise that this movie was the last movie released before the producers strike. the mood in the industry sums up this nonsensical movie. it is one of the worst infact is the worst thriller i have seen. all hamming an no pure enacting makes dis a dull boy;infant rather.

got bored of reading the review? that was exactly how i felt watching this hogwash.ill pay through my pocket to see deshdrohi but not this. at least through former some amount of mirth will be a reason to see but tasveer leaves no reason to be viewed.
warning : avoid this movie(that is an understatement).
ill go with 0.5/5 for this disgusting piece of cinema. akshay has truly succumbed to foolish cinema in the name of earning quick moolah.

for anyone who thinks that i am wrong or harsh in dis review please read the detailed story below dis post.

detailed plot of 8x10 tasveer

akshay kumar who potrays the role of jai is shown to work in an orgainization called EPS or environment protection service. he is quite popular in his workplace as he is quite adept at nabbing the violators and perpetyrators of environment laws. he knows the place at the tips of his fingers. he also helps people find their beloved as he can move into photographs by looking at them for some time. but whenever he does so his condition becomes comatose. he then gets to know about the demise of his father. he is told that the reason of his death was a severe heart attack due to which he drowned in the sea whilst on a boat alongwith his close friends and wife. so the reason seems plausible to him and he consents and agrees to his death. but he is told by javed jaffari who is a sleuth called "happy with an i". he brings about intermittent and sporadic laughter in the muvee. but akshay is told dat jaffery is a former toronto police officer who ran away from his place so as a consequence akshay shoos jaffery away. but when akshay cums across a picture taken at the time of his father's death he comes to know that something is fishy. he then goes through the picture again and again over the next few days and cums to know that he was killed as a part of a bigger conspiracy connived by many of his fathers' friends to channelise the bequeathed money of his father who had noted in his will that he will give all his money to akshay.he then sees some one mixing high blood pressure pilss in his father's champagne then akshay goes to various friends of his father who he thinks might be involved. strange events follow. one of the friends whom he sees as the killer gets killed at his home when he finds his body hanging from a ceiling at his room. the fathers' oder frenz appear to be thjen trying to kill akshay as he is a danger looming large at them and who threatens to unveil them. then he comes to suspect that his mother was also involved as she is shown romancing with a friend of his father and earlier failed to give nod for her husband's death. then some attempts to kill him are made which his wife ayesha takia condemns. she tells akshay to stop getting into pictures and behave eclectically. then he takes help of javed jaffrey's ex who is a qualified nurse. she tyells him that his goin into pictures may threaten his life and that he needed adrenalin injections after each of his journeys into d pics.he is told by a soothsayer that he will be dead if a picture which he is moving in gets abandoned and that if he stays for more than 1 minute in d pic he will certainly die. he continues his tryst with moving in the pictures by staring at them for a few seconds.he comes to know that there is a killer who killed his fathers' friend whom he finalized earilier as a prime suspect and he also comes to realise that his mother who will be signing on the will which is to ratify her approval to transfer all d money she has got as part of her husband's will has a threat to her life. he jets to his home where his mother is and finds someone in the house who kills her mother. he runs after the suspect but to no avail. he again stares at the picture taken minutes before his father's demise and this time he does it for more than 1 minute. he discovers his face in the lower compartment of the ship while his father is drowning after he has drunk the beer mixed with blood pressure pills. then a person is shown who comes to akshay who is in unconscious state and into the photo. he is the serial killer. he puts the photo on fire as he knew that if the photo thru which akshay is going thru is abandoned he will die immediately. then we are shown that there is a second akshay called jeet. he cums out to be the estranged brother of him who 1st akshay ie jai had by mistake pushed atop a rock in deir childhood. the second akshay we are told hatched whole of this story alongwid ayesha takia who was wid akshay 1 all dis while.the second akshay tells dat he is avenging all dis due to the childhood incident. den javed jaffrey rings the bell and he discovers that there are 2 akshays in d room both calling them as akshay 1. but when he discovers who the real akshay is ayesha takia kills him. den akshay 2 and takia celebrate as all d money has been transferred to akshay 1's account whom he will impersonate in order to take the money. he then takes akshay 1 to the same ship where hsi father was killed. he throws a comatose akshay 1 to the sea. but from somewhere akshay 1 gets a second wind and swims back to the ship and secretly cums to kill both takia and the villainious akshay. den happy ending is shown.

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aloo chaat reviewed

Aloo chaat is a movie meant to be watched on a sunday afternoon on a tv on the condition of being extremely idle but is a blemish on punjabi comedies and is strictly not recommendable to be seen on silver screen.

the plot
aftaab shivdasani had gone to america for some inexplicable reason and when he returns he finds out that his parents are adamant on getting him married. they set up a veritable dekko for the couple and their to be in laws. shivdasani somehow ges rid of them. as the movie unravels we are made aware of the fact that aftab and his father kulbhushan kharbanda dont have a really understanding kinship and so he treats his cha cha ji as his confidant. he tells him that he already loves a girl(aamna) who is in america but is a muslim. so his cha cha ji contemplates a plot to instill make believe in aftab's family that aamna despite being a muslim is a homely girl compatible with aftab. what they do and what ensues comprises the meaty part of the movie

the positives
aftab shivdasani has grown by leaps and bounds as a good actor. certain comic punches are justified.aamna sharif looks pretty.acting of all the characters of aftab's family is truly to their potential.the movie is narrated brilliantly in a blue line bus in delhi by manoj phahwa in a very hillarious way. kulbhushan kharbanda sustains a very powerful punjabi accent. the foreign girls are very productive and forthcoming in their emotions. linda arseino,aftab's acting wife is just superb and deservedly must get credit for her performance. the two alloo tickee waalaas at manoj pahwa's clinic are way to brilliant and give a solid realism to the film.

the negatives
the movie fails to make you laugh continously. the intermittent jokes fail to keep up the momentum which is expected of punjabi comedies. everything unfolds as is expected. no twists and turns make for morbid viewing. aamna shareef has been underutilized and clearly looks just to tick her entry and foray into bollywood with this flick. Delhi has not been utilized at all in this "delhi based film". no reference is given to crude punjabi and even cliche jokes seem monotonous. the length of the movie is questionable too.
in toto it lacks the whiz and spark required to send the viewer into peels of laughter even while returning back home. i am astonished as to how this movie took 8 months to be made when so little of everythinng is depicted.

do not waste your time seeing or even mulling over such movies. id recommend you to see it when it comes on tv and review this review again. im sure you wont feel a tad different as dis.

ill go wid 1.5/5 for dis sagging saga far from being a rip roarer. it may not lull you to sleep but it evokes a resentment as to why one should see it.

stoneman murders reviewed

stoneman murders as a thriller has a brilliant plot but has laggardly action and cliched thrilling sequences

as is my new format. summary of the movie first.

kay kay menon is an inspector in mumbai police and resorts to barbaric beating of criminals whenever they don't regurgitate the authentic facts. one day he gets to investigate a fisherman who he thinks knows about a gory murder in a nearby area as he thinks him to be a vagabond loafing in the wild and committing the murder. he beats him black and blue and to his astonishment the person dies. subsequently kay kay is suspended to his opposition. he claims to solve the murder mystery which he thinks if left uncontrolled cud lead to serial killings.on his persistence in claiming to solve d case he is given d order of running a parallel inquiry but sans his police uniform or as a common man. he is inundated wid hurdles and hindrances in his quest to do so which form the rest of the story.............

the positives.
story is taken from real life and thats apprehensively why it seems believable.
kay kay menon is outstanding in certain sequences like the one in the bar and while enquiring about the case in a dhaba. he emotes despair,helplessness and his characters' restive state with characteristic aplomb. he is undoubtedly the highlight of the film. the reality in dingy by lanes of mumbai add too much reality into d muvee. the head police officer is good and so is virendra saxena as kamle. the small screen actor gives stiff competition to kay kay in acting. the viewer is all the more excited to know that it was a real story at the end of the movie.

the negatives
the movie ends in a very eclectic fashion involving occult which leave the viewer craving for a good completion. the bareback scene of rukhsana , kay kay's wife is consummately uncalled for and has no significance whatsoever. it just seems an ostensible signal from her to other bollywood directors that she can also dare to bare.too less thrilling phases make it a bit tedious.

all in all a good 100 minute watch. go for it if you are dying to see a movie before the producers' strike.
ill go with 3/5 for this thriller cum reality cinema. it rankles me that it didnt do too well at the box office but perhaps the indian audience is as strange as the pot boilers in bollywood.(but that is changing for sure).

13 B Reviewed

13 B may signal the coming of age of horror genre in bollywood movies but accentuates the failure of a solid storyline in hindi movies.

the story in a nutshell is that Manohar aka Mannu shifts to a new home encountering great hurdles and has a huge loan yet to be paid but is surfeit with the happiness which has ensued owing to that. everything goes hunky dory till a few eerie incidents take place which impel him to believe something amiss in his house. the suspicion turns all the more when he sees the programme ("sab khairyat")which his family regularly watches and of which he is hitherto overtly cynical.the events in the programme happen to match just what starts to happen to him and then he comes to realise that the programme is only telecast in his home and nowhere else. thats when he comes to know of a supernatural intervention in his abode. how he encounters these extra human elements forms the engrossing part of the story.

Firstly the positives.

The movie even without the use of gory murders,portentous roars and inexplicable scowls goes on to make u feel uncanny and scares you in certain sequences irrespective of the fact how strong hearted you may be.Madhavan is again praiseworthy and will stay in many a directors heart in mumbai as he has down south.Poonam Dhillon hasnt jaded a single bit and is as beautiful as she was 20 years ago.She carries off the role of Madhavan's mother with panache.Neetu Chandra again is conspicuous despite a very cornered role.After oye lucky and traffic signal she again fits in the role of the wife perfectly.Sachin Khadekar inadvertently shows whose the most senior actor in the film with his remarkable acting.The Subhash chandra bose actor seems to just move into the shoes of his character in any movie.
The sound effects make for a scary feel. Camera angles are applaudible.the movie enthralls one and exhorts one to stay at the seat throughout and this plus point has come up after quite a while in a bollywood movie which tend to sag half way down the runtime.

Negative points are headed by the repetition of eye close ups throughout the film. it is unfathomable as to how eye close ups will scare even the most captivated watcher.the rain and thunder effects are avoidable since people have grown over them and dey arent terrifying anymore.the ending isnt happy which couldve been so and left the audience go back home with a feel good explanation of the movie. another major shortcoming of the film is that although the intended scary scenes might be to their objective but they appear very sporadically throughout the movie. the viewer needed to be intimidated more. if comapred to a hollywood horror movie like say The Ring it stands nowhere but still its better than major hindi horror films.

considering the mesmerizing and dazzling pace and intuitiveness which the film induces it isnt a bad watch after all.
ill go with 2.5 on 5 for dis new age horror flick. watch it once and you wont rue.

Delhi 6 reviewed (guest column)

My dear reader ,
i am back and sorry for returning late. Actually the academic constraints have compelled me to this situation. anyways this week the review is of a 2 week old movie a very popular movie which failed to gross much at the box office. There is a small change in the scheme of things in this review. the change is that i am not rviewing this but my good friend Ms Priyam Bagga is doing it. i have already introduced you to her. i am thankful and grateful at the same breath to her for taking the pains for doing so. i hope you equally like her review as you did mine. awaiting your response

Over to Priyam:

Delhi 6 ------ All hype, no substance

With all the hype surrounding the movie Delhi 6, everyone went to the cinema hall expecting quite a show. Laughter, awe and maybe a few tears along the way. But the movie is far from that. Too much effort has gone into making the movie into an art film and the plot has been completely ignored which has turned the movie into a predictable chain of events which have been tied loosely together. The movie moves quite slow and the sequences are left incomplete. The movie tries to cash in on the monkey man mania in north delhi with a dash of comedy with all the news coverage that it got and how people reacted to the whole issue. The Background of hindu mythology makes the movie a bit more interesting to watch. With such a strong star cast a lot more could have been done to make the movie a success, eventhough it has been accepted internationally, majority of the Indian audience didn't quite enjoy it. Waheeda rehman is one of the strongest characters in the film along with rishi kapoor. The aesthetic aspect of the film is very nicely done.corruption in the police department, lower caste untouchability, problems of civic amenities- lack of water and electricity, shown in a very comic light.Also the superstitions and occult practises by some of us is shown in a very prudent manner. The drawbacks of the same are accentuated . Other side of delhi, the more urban one has been completely ignored. The use of masakalli, a dove whose wings had been tied up to show the connection between a father (om puri) who's afraid to let go of his cherished daughter. Sonam Kapoor portays the daughter who has big dreams but his father is forcing her to get married. The end of the movie is too abrupt and disappointing- leaves the audience with many unanswered questions. The dream sequence is one of the most artistic sequences of the film merging new york and new delhi but it ends as ubruptly as the movie itself. The hindu muslim unity in chandni chowk makes u feel good but then the minor incidents that cause a riot are worrying, but at the end of the day peace prevails. abhishek's accent is a bit too much. jalebi and the prejudices against the lower caste- only an outsider can understand the triviality of it all.

i go wid a mediocre 2.5 on 5 for dis high expectation breaker.